MC: Female human came home with food for herself. She is smart enough to know she needs to feed us first. However, she and the male human have come up with this stupid idea that we each only get half of a can. HALF of a can. HALF! Well, I showed her. I gulped my half can down, then pushed Banana away from her half can and ate that. Then I shoved Peach away from hers and finished it, too. Then, just to really drive the message home, I stuck my face in her dinner. Half a can. She better not do anything that stupid again, or I'll eat through her refrigerator!
Peach: Yeah, about this eating my food thing...Watch out, jerk. I know where you sleep.
Banana: And don't forget, MC, only one of us has all of their claws. And it ain't you.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Greetings from MC
MC My roommates, Peach and Banana, think they're very clever and secretive when they discuss sharing their Jerk Tips throughout the world. Well, obviously, they're wrong, I wouldn't know how to come here and share my own Jerk Tips with you.
Today, my human - yes, that's right Banana and Peach, my human - came home with some fast food. She plopped down in our chair and turned on this cool sci-fi show we like to watch together. I hopped up in her lap and sat with her while she ate. When she finished eating, I decided to see if there was anything left over in her bag. I stretched my body out so that my back legs stayed in her lap and my front legs went on her table. I felt something cold on my side, and realized it was her soda. That's when I realized I could out-jerk the jerks. I pushed my body into that cup of soda and down it went! I did a real number on it, too. The lid broke in half, ice went flying across the room, the carpet was soaked. It was great. My person had to put me down, get off the phone, run for towels. She was so inconvenienced. It was hilarious.
Banana Oh, we have so much to teach you about being a jerk. So far, you suck at it.
Today, my human - yes, that's right Banana and Peach, my human - came home with some fast food. She plopped down in our chair and turned on this cool sci-fi show we like to watch together. I hopped up in her lap and sat with her while she ate. When she finished eating, I decided to see if there was anything left over in her bag. I stretched my body out so that my back legs stayed in her lap and my front legs went on her table. I felt something cold on my side, and realized it was her soda. That's when I realized I could out-jerk the jerks. I pushed my body into that cup of soda and down it went! I did a real number on it, too. The lid broke in half, ice went flying across the room, the carpet was soaked. It was great. My person had to put me down, get off the phone, run for towels. She was so inconvenienced. It was hilarious.
Banana Oh, we have so much to teach you about being a jerk. So far, you suck at it.
Format Change
Greetings, loyal readers! Banana and Peach here. Due to a frustrating change in our living situation, it no longer makes sense for us to communicate through letters. So, in between fighting, attacking each other, eating food, breaking heirlooms, and keeping our humans awake, we discussed at length how we should continue to share our jerk tips with the world. Then our terrible new roommate, this obnoxious guy in a tuxedo our female human dotes on constantly, made a suggestion: Message board! So, apparently he is good for something. On that note, let the messages begin!
Peach I recently got this new roommate; another cat, MC. He sucks. He thinks he sooooo cute and so sweet. And he has my people totally fooled. I'll go into the living room for a cuddle, and this punk MC will already be in my woman's lap. I'll go to sneak into bed with my people to demand they get up and give me attention, MC's already there, snuggled in between them. Like I said, he sucks. So the other night, I had a great idea. I wanted to have a snuggle with my people, so I went to them. They were both in the office and there was that stupid MC, just sitting in the room with them! I went into the room with them, walked past MC, and lay down. Then, without giving him any warning or even announcing my presence to him, I bit his tail. The yowl he gave was hilarious! And even better, he ran out of the room. Hahaha, what a chump.
Peach I recently got this new roommate; another cat, MC. He sucks. He thinks he sooooo cute and so sweet. And he has my people totally fooled. I'll go into the living room for a cuddle, and this punk MC will already be in my woman's lap. I'll go to sneak into bed with my people to demand they get up and give me attention, MC's already there, snuggled in between them. Like I said, he sucks. So the other night, I had a great idea. I wanted to have a snuggle with my people, so I went to them. They were both in the office and there was that stupid MC, just sitting in the room with them! I went into the room with them, walked past MC, and lay down. Then, without giving him any warning or even announcing my presence to him, I bit his tail. The yowl he gave was hilarious! And even better, he ran out of the room. Hahaha, what a chump.
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