Greetings, loyal readers! Banana and Peach here. Due to a frustrating change in our living situation, it no longer makes sense for us to communicate through letters. So, in between fighting, attacking each other, eating food, breaking heirlooms, and keeping our humans awake, we discussed at length how we should continue to share our jerk tips with the world. Then our terrible new roommate, this obnoxious guy in a tuxedo our female human dotes on constantly, made a suggestion: Message board! So, apparently he is good for something. On that note, let the messages begin!
Peach I recently got this new roommate; another cat, MC. He sucks. He thinks he sooooo cute and so sweet. And he has my people totally fooled. I'll go into the living room for a cuddle, and this punk MC will already be in my woman's lap. I'll go to sneak into bed with my people to demand they get up and give me attention, MC's already there, snuggled in between them. Like I said, he sucks. So the other night, I had a great idea. I wanted to have a snuggle with my people, so I went to them. They were both in the office and there was that stupid MC, just sitting in the room with them! I went into the room with them, walked past MC, and lay down. Then, without giving him any warning or even announcing my presence to him, I bit his tail. The yowl he gave was hilarious! And even better, he ran out of the room. Hahaha, what a chump.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
The Soft Underbelly
Hey, Banana,
I see you over there. I see you. I'm just biding my time. You just hiss and snarl at me all you want. I'll get you in the end.
Sincerely,
Peach
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Dumb Peach,
No, you won't.
Sincerely, Banana
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Oh, Banana. Silly, silly Banana. You think turning your back and strutting out of the room will save you from my wrath? All you're doing is leaving yourself exposed. That's right....keep walking...keep walking...aaaaannnnndddd....NOW! CHARGE!
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God damn, you're dumb, Peach. Your response to me turning around and smacking you with my claws out is to flop over on your back? I'm ready to rip you open, and you expose your soft underbelly to me?? Really? You suck at catting. You're hardly a jerk at all!
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Oh yeah? I'll show you who's not a jerk!
Mwahahahaha.
Bow to your Queen. Peach isn't a Princess anymore!
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....Touché
I see you over there. I see you. I'm just biding my time. You just hiss and snarl at me all you want. I'll get you in the end.
Sincerely,
Peach
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Dumb Peach,
No, you won't.
Sincerely, Banana
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Oh, Banana. Silly, silly Banana. You think turning your back and strutting out of the room will save you from my wrath? All you're doing is leaving yourself exposed. That's right....keep walking...keep walking...aaaaannnnndddd....NOW! CHARGE!
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God damn, you're dumb, Peach. Your response to me turning around and smacking you with my claws out is to flop over on your back? I'm ready to rip you open, and you expose your soft underbelly to me?? Really? You suck at catting. You're hardly a jerk at all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh yeah? I'll show you who's not a jerk!
Mwahahahaha.
Bow to your Queen. Peach isn't a Princess anymore!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
....Touché
Roommates
Roommates: A JTfC Play
Banana: Screw you!
Peach: No, screw you!
Banana: Cram it, you ginger whore!
Peach: Your mother's a ginger whore!
Banana: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Peach: Hiss!!!!
Female Human: Cats! Dinner!
Banana and Peach, in unison: CEASE FIRE!!!!
All goes well as the cats eat...until Peach looks at Banana...
Banana: Oi! Screw you!
Peach: Fatty!
Banana: Clawless wussbag!
Peach: Oh, yeah?! What are you gonna do about it?
Banana (extending claws): MROW!
Peach: Yuh-oh!
Peach flees.
Banana: Screw you!
Peach: No, screw you!
Banana: Cram it, you ginger whore!
Peach: Your mother's a ginger whore!
Banana: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Peach: Hiss!!!!
Female Human: Cats! Dinner!
Banana and Peach, in unison: CEASE FIRE!!!!
All goes well as the cats eat...until Peach looks at Banana...
Banana: Oi! Screw you!
Peach: Fatty!
Banana: Clawless wussbag!
Peach: Oh, yeah?! What are you gonna do about it?
Banana (extending claws): MROW!
Peach: Yuh-oh!
Peach flees.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Abu Dhabi
"Dear" Banana,
I was just snuggled up with my human, watching this old cartoon show about cats. It's called "Garfield and Friends." It was great. There was this awesome orange cat who got all of the love and food he could want. That awesome orange cat then got a visit from this horrible little jerky grey cat. The awesome cat was trying to enjoy his life, sleeping and eating. And the horrible grey cat kept popping up, being loud and obnoxious and irritating and disrupting the awesome cat's sleep. Then the awesome cat had a brilliant idea: He put the irritating grey cat in a box and shipped that horrible cat to Abu Dhabi.
I'm not relaying a story to you. Oh, no. I'm telling you that you better start learning Arabic!!
Looking forward to rooming with you :-D
Love, Peach
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Dear Peach,
Lalalala. I can't hear you! I'm busy being doted on by my human! I got a can of food, then a big hug, then lots of pets, then toys to play with, and now I'm in a lap. In fact, I'm rubbing my face all over her face right now. You ever notice all of that film on her glasses? That's my saliva, from rubbing the corner of my mouth on her glasses. And you know what I'm going to do when I live with both of our people? I'm going to get all of the pets and hugs, because your person always tells me how much softer my fur is than yours.
Also, the dog is on my side. And I'd love to see how you plan on taping up a box with no thumbs!
Love, Banana
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Dear Banana,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I just got in the litter box, but angled just right so I peed all over the floor! Hahaha, it was awesome!
Wait a minute. I'm still mad at you for being another cat trying to be in my space! Hiss!
Peach
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Dear Peach,
You know what's extra fun? Kick all of the litter out of your box. That way, it's an even bigger mess, and it'll take your person longer to realize it's urine on the floor. Haha, people are chumps.
Also: Rrrrawwwwrrr!
Banana
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Ankle Braces are Tasty!
Dear Peach,
So, my human has gotten over this trying to balance on two sticks while walking nonsense. She's still using one, but it's not quite as stupid. However, there has been an awesome development! She got rid of that terrible, hard purple thing on her leg. Now she has this delightful, soft thing that has laces! Laces! Like on shoes! Peach, it is so much fun! She tries to get dressed to go to that dumb work place (Yeah, I thought I had finally convinced her to knock off that stupid hobby and just spend all of her time with me, too!), sits down on the couch to put this new toy on her ankle. It's the best game ever! I really like grabbing the laces as she tries to put the toy on her ankle. Great fun; I highly recommend it.
Enjoy!
Love, Banana
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Dear Banana,
Hahaha! Your person was over this weekend and I did have a chance to chew on that toy! You're right, it's great! I think you probably do better at conquering it because you have claws and I don't, but I loved it.
My person has been doing this crazy thing lately. He keeps bringing home empty cardboard boxes. At first, that was great. I got to play fort all the time! But now he's putting all of his stuff in these boxes. It's neat having extra shelf space to play on, but I'm really confused by it.
Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine.
Oooh, they're going to bed! I have to prepare for my favorite activity! Licking my person's arm as he's trying to fall asleep, then climbing over your person and stealing her pillow. Mwahahaha.
Love,
Peach
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Dear Peach,
My person is doing that silliness with boxes too. I don't think I like this...
Love,
Banana
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Banana,
WHAT THE DAMN HELL DO THEY MEAN WE'RE GOING TO BE ROOMMATES?!
So, my human has gotten over this trying to balance on two sticks while walking nonsense. She's still using one, but it's not quite as stupid. However, there has been an awesome development! She got rid of that terrible, hard purple thing on her leg. Now she has this delightful, soft thing that has laces! Laces! Like on shoes! Peach, it is so much fun! She tries to get dressed to go to that dumb work place (Yeah, I thought I had finally convinced her to knock off that stupid hobby and just spend all of her time with me, too!), sits down on the couch to put this new toy on her ankle. It's the best game ever! I really like grabbing the laces as she tries to put the toy on her ankle. Great fun; I highly recommend it.
Enjoy!
Love, Banana
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Dear Banana,
Hahaha! Your person was over this weekend and I did have a chance to chew on that toy! You're right, it's great! I think you probably do better at conquering it because you have claws and I don't, but I loved it.
My person has been doing this crazy thing lately. He keeps bringing home empty cardboard boxes. At first, that was great. I got to play fort all the time! But now he's putting all of his stuff in these boxes. It's neat having extra shelf space to play on, but I'm really confused by it.
Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine.
Oooh, they're going to bed! I have to prepare for my favorite activity! Licking my person's arm as he's trying to fall asleep, then climbing over your person and stealing her pillow. Mwahahaha.
Love,
Peach
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Peach,
My person is doing that silliness with boxes too. I don't think I like this...
Love,
Banana
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Banana,
WHAT THE DAMN HELL DO THEY MEAN WE'RE GOING TO BE ROOMMATES?!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Cat Versus Scooty Puff, Jr.
Dear Peach,
Well, my person is home. She's no longer balancing on sticks, but instead is on the weird scooter type thing that she rests her knee on. She was calling it a Roll-about at first, but now she and your human have started calling it Scooty Puff, Junior. I don't get it. They're weird.
Anyway, when she first got home, I immediately ran to her, because I needed to see that she was okay. I took good care of her for the first day, not leaving her side. That got really boring, really fast. I don't know how you took care of her for as long as you did! I've found a new game that I'm rather enjoying. She gets on this scooter and tries to move around. I run in front of her and then I stop. It's hilarious! She's so much bigger than me. Her scooter could crush me. But she loves me so much that she'll just stop and wait instead of risk getting too close to me! It's great.
Even more fun, it's really difficult for her to get up. So, I wait until she's trying to get up, then I run towards her, appearing like magic, and leap on top of her. I curl up on her chest and be as cute and sweet as I can be. It usually works. She usually settles back down and pets me for a little bit. It's a great game! I inconvenience her AND I get some extra snuggles. It's the best.
Well, I'm going to go resume taking advantage of her being here for several weeks non-stop. I'm pretty sure she's about to try to get up to use the bathroom, so I'm going to go jump in her lap and purr.
Love,
Banana
Well, my person is home. She's no longer balancing on sticks, but instead is on the weird scooter type thing that she rests her knee on. She was calling it a Roll-about at first, but now she and your human have started calling it Scooty Puff, Junior. I don't get it. They're weird.
Anyway, when she first got home, I immediately ran to her, because I needed to see that she was okay. I took good care of her for the first day, not leaving her side. That got really boring, really fast. I don't know how you took care of her for as long as you did! I've found a new game that I'm rather enjoying. She gets on this scooter and tries to move around. I run in front of her and then I stop. It's hilarious! She's so much bigger than me. Her scooter could crush me. But she loves me so much that she'll just stop and wait instead of risk getting too close to me! It's great.
Even more fun, it's really difficult for her to get up. So, I wait until she's trying to get up, then I run towards her, appearing like magic, and leap on top of her. I curl up on her chest and be as cute and sweet as I can be. It usually works. She usually settles back down and pets me for a little bit. It's a great game! I inconvenience her AND I get some extra snuggles. It's the best.
Well, I'm going to go resume taking advantage of her being here for several weeks non-stop. I'm pretty sure she's about to try to get up to use the bathroom, so I'm going to go jump in her lap and purr.
Love,
Banana
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