Fur Sandwich

Dear Banana,

Clearly we've been failing in our overlord status. My human has these silly ideas about me not being top priority lately, too. For instance, today when he got up, he only let me sit in his lap for about 20 minutes before getting up and trying to do other things. The worst was when he went into the kitchen to pack a lunch to take to work with him.

First of all, this "work" idea is bad enough. Leaving the kitty alone in the house for about 10 hours? Unacceptable. And the amount of time he spends getting ready to leave me alone for 10 hours is just absurd. First he takes a shower. Then he puts clothes on. Then he packs lunch. Then he gets his mini computer thingy. NONE of this involves playing with me. All unacceptable.

So, he dared to go attempt to pack lunch instead of playing with me. I jumped up on the counter to show in the error of his ways. And he put me on the floor. Then, it was on. Full out warfare. I jumped back on the counter. I started batting around the twist tie that keeps the bag his bread comes in closed. He took it away from me, babbling something about needing to not lose it. So I tried to push his jar of peppers off the counter. He caught them and yelled at me, and put me on the floor again. Obviously, that didn't last long, since I had a lesson to teach him. I jumped back on the counter and in one swift motion, knocked his knife on the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, I shook as hard as I could. There was a beautiful explosion of fur, some landing right in the mustard he'd put on that sandwich. Unfortunately, he realized there was fur in his sandwich, picked me up, put me in the bedroom, and closed the door. I'm pretty sure he made a new sandwich. But I jumped up on the dresser and knocked everything off the top of it, so I'm fairly certain he won't make that stupid mistake again.

Obviously, we need to step up our game. The humans are becoming disrespectful. Let's brainstorm.

Love, Peach