Dear Peach,
I just bit my person. It was pretty funny. I recommend you try it.
Love,
Banana
50 Jerk Points Awarded
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Dear Banana,
Hahahahahahahahahahaha, that was fun. She was petting my tummy, and I saw the perfect opportunity. I don't have my claws anymore, so I couldn't get a good hold on her, but I grabbed her hand with my paws, and sank my teeth in. I left some marks on her hand. It was pretty funny. Good idea.
Love,
Peach
100 Jerk Points Awarded
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Dear Peach,
I think it's time for a contest. Let's see who can hurt her worse.
Love, Banana
5 Jerk Points Awarded
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Dear Banana,
Sounds fun! I tackled her ankle while she was walking to the bathroom. That was pretty funny. She was kind of upset.
Love,
Peach
50 Jerk Points Awarded
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Dear Peach,
I regret to inform you that I have likely won this contest forever.
My stupid person came home and had the gall to try to change her clothes before feeding me. So, I followed her to the bedroom, screaming. I screamed while she took off her clothes. I screamed while she put pants on. She got annoyed before putting on a shirt and went to the kitchen to give me food. Took her long enough, since that's her primary function in life. She gives me my food on the counter in the kitchen because that dog likes to take my food. Sometimes, I think it's funny to pretend I can't find my food. It's a good ploy to get picked up so I don't have to jump, even though I'm totally capable of doing so. Well, that chump put my food on the counter and I continued to scream and act confused. So she picked me up. I scratched her so hard I almost feel bad about it. I left a gash right now her right breast. At first I thought it was just a little scratch that was bleeding a lot, but after she washed it, I could tell I'd really hurt her. I left a four inch long gash. It goes right through her areola. I almost hit her nipple. So I didn't quite get a thousand points, but I think it's worth at least 900 points, right?
I almost feel bad about this. It does look like it hurts a lot. But then she took that dog for a walk and didn't take me with her, so I stole the ribbon she was using for wrapping Christmas presents. Maybe some day she'll learn...
Love,
Banana
900 Jerk Points Awarded
Final Scoreboard
Peach: 150 Jerk Points
Banana: 955 Jerk Points
