If I Fits, I Shits!

Dear Banana,

How was your Christmas? Mine was pretty sad. Your grandma human gave me some treats. That was nice. But something horrible happened.

I think it's important to know that one of my favorite things is sitting in strange boxes. My person will bring home a box and it takes me about ten seconds to get in the box. It's great. Well, our people have started laughing when I do this, pretending to make me talk and say "If I fits, I sits!" They're not very creative, so I think that's probably something they got off the internet.

Two days before Christmas, some people showed up at my house. And they stayed. For days. Nobody even asked me if it was okay. At first, it was pretty cool. They're nice people and they petted me a lot. I slept with them. "Mom" gave me canned food, which was awesome. The second day, however, things went horribly, horribly wrong. The people left for a little bit and then returned...with their cats. Cranberry and Quince. Cranberry's all right. She's tiny and skittish and was respectful of my space. Quince however... Quince just hopped up on my couch and snarled and hissed at me. The entire time. And demanded the attention of everyone else. In my house! What does she think she is, a dog?! That jerk.

"Mom" brought Cranberry and Quince's litter box over. Quince continued to be rude and trying to claim my space as her own. You're going to come into my house and be rude to me? I don't think so. So I taught them all a lesson. I walked right up to their litter box, hopped and showed them all that if I fits, I shits.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Peach